Longread: My Take on Drinking, Drugs and Sex

Letter #1

Would you please pass these thoughts on to Jamison.
I think she is old enough to know them.
I don’t think anyone else in our family has experience to explain these concepts the way I do.

First, I would like to apologize for not being around while you have been growing up.
However there are some things that I learned along my path that I think could help you.

Lets start with some easy stuff… don’t wear make-up unless you have to… the junk in the ingredient list you can’t pronounce ruins your skin.

If you must wear make-up… Water based mascara and powder (lancome makes a cool tint that can be brush applied to be foundation and as eye shadow) but no creams or liquid foundation or oil based anything.

Never shave your legs above the knee.
Shaving makes the hair coarse, curly and rough.
Not shaving allows the hair to stay thin, soft, short and blonde.
This will not only save you time and money but as you get older, from the knee up, your legs will always be soft and beautiful.

About waxing…
Waxing can sometimes be painful, hot and leave really nasty rashes.
As the hair grows back in… The new hairs create red pimples and bumps and sometimes permanent scars or moles which are ugly and embarrassing.
Do threading instead.
It is less painful.
Threading also keeps the hair thin and fine. Over time, the hair will cease to grow back in areas you repeatedly thread.
Far less painful than shaving or waxing, threading is a more permanent solution for unwanted hair.

Ok… now that the basics are out of the way…

This next part maybe a little premature but I’m not sure if I will have another chance to tell you these things. I will keep writing you letters in hopes your parents will pass them on to you.

Neither of your parents will disagree with the things that I am about to say.

They just might not be too pleased with me saying them… Or, they may just point you in my direction if you have a question they don’t want to answer or don’t have an answer for…

I am an absolute expert in the field of drugs and sex.
When I was 14, I was already having sex, drinking and doing drugs.
I want you to know what stumbling blocks lay on the paths I chose.
If you know the facts, then you should be able to make informed decisions that you will be proud of.

Don’t make the mistakes I did! Here is a short list of them… And what I wish I had known before I ever got myself in that particular situation…

About drinking…
I know your mom was not the Hellion that I was, so she probably won’t know a lot of the things that I’m about to tell you.
Your dad was never a girl so he did not have to experience these situations.
These things can save your life or keep you from getting raped.

When you go out drinking… Always, always, always order a tall water back for any alcoholic beverage.
A back in bartending terms means a free non-alcoholic beverage that you drink after or with your alcoholic drink.
Water works best with hard liquors.
Cranberry juice works best sweet drinks or shots.
Anytime you do shots, you should always order a cranberry back.
Drink the shot and then immediately chase it with the cranberry back.
The sugar in the cranberry juice will help to keep you from having a hangover.
The juice is a diuretic that will help dilute the effects of the alcohol.
Deleting or reducing the alcohol effects allow you to remain sober longer and hopefully make better decisions.
If you find yourself in a situation where you are drinking someone under the table… IE a guy… the extra non-alcoholic drinks help you to keep up.
No guy (in my experience) orders backs for his alcoholic beverages.
So if you do 6 shots and 6 backs and he does 6 shots and both of you do them in 1 hour you will still be standing when he passes out.
Oh guys only ask you to do shots if they want you to get so drunk you will let them have sex with you.
Guys like this are total pieces of s*** avoid them at all cost.

Follow my advice on this one… It saved me more times than I can count!!!

House parties…
If you do find yourself at a house party and you are too drunk to leave or are afraid to call someone to pick you up… you should not be in that situation in the first place.
However if it does happen and…
I say this because they were many times in my teenage years where I would go out in the evening come home and then sneak out later at night to go to a late night house party.
Back then, we did not have cell phones and I never carried cab fare which you know now as uber.
In those times when I got drugged up or too trashed to leave, I would go to the master bedroom and lock the door behind me.
I would take the bedding off the master bed and put it the master bathtub and then pass out in the bathtub with the soft comfy clean bedding.
I would also lock the bathroom door.
Bathtubs are great places to pass out… They are colder than carpet which helps the room stop spinning and if you puke… Bathtubs are easy to wash down.
That way I knew that I was safe and protected and when I woke up from my stupor, I could crawl out the bathroom window and go home.

Don’t smoke cigarettes. It’s not cool. It’s stinky. It you ages you. Smoking causes lines and wrinkles on your face that you will wish never happened.
If the choice for the lesser of two evils is/was beer or cigarettes, I chose cigarettes. I like to smoke but I do not like beer.
Beer will make you fat. Cigarettes don’t make people fat, just make people look old prematurely.

Now for the “illicit” things nobody wants to talk about…

If you want to know how a drug affects you..?
Download a brain game app.
Play the game for 15 minutes… Like a puzzle game.
Get high.
Play the same game again for 15 minutes and compare your scores.

If you were slower or less effective at solving the puzzle when high… Then this drug is NOT FOR YOU!!!
If you achieve higher scores when high… Which is insanely rare… You may have a viable argument for doing what you are doing.

Drugs can have a higher purpose…
Lots of indigenous cultures use drugs for spiritual or meditation purposes.
When you meditate you must think about the good things.
Listen to the words you say to yourself… Do you call yourself smart or stupid?
The words you use will manifest into reality.
Always always ALWAYS the positive.

To help you understand this better… Talk to the person in the mirror.
Look at how she responds when you talk to her.
If She flinches… You need to speak more kindly.
If she is beaming back at you with a beautiful smile then you are on the right path.
You don’t have to get high to meditate… you should be doing a positive meditation every day sober anyway. Combine it with the yoga stretches for a more impactful multi-tasking experience.

In my experience most drugs just amplify the subconscious feelings for the situation you are in.

If you are paranoid distressed depressed stressing or angry the drug you have taken will amplify those feelings.

If you are calm relaxed comfortable serene and smiling then the drugs that you have taken will amplify those moods.

For every action there is an equal an opposite reaction. Every high has an equal low… Sometimes it is a lower low that isn’t worth the high.

Here is what I know about the following drugs from doing them… You ain’t missing much if you haven’t done them.

Smoking pot…
About ten years ago, I was a legal grower of medical grade organic marijuana. I’ve been an almost life-time smoker of various strains and cultivars of indicas and sativas.

Do you know why they call it “smoking trees?”
It is a tree, not a shrub. It is a tree that can provide shade not some spindly weak stalk that looks like a bonsai Charlie Brown Christmas tree.
The flower is what is smoked… not the leaves.

Hash is rubbing the sticky flower with both hands and scraping the brown/Amber goop from your hands, rolling it in a ball and smoking it.

THC is the “active” ingredient in the crystals and hairs on the flower.

Most of the world (the percentage that does not get high) thinks THC high is a terrible thing. I do not. Your parents will disagree with me.

As long as you live under their roof… honor your parents … they have your best interest at heart. If I could be reincarnated… I would want them as my parents. You got lucky! They are awesome people. The only reason I’m telling you this stuff… Is because they never did it and I don’t want you to fall victim because I didn’t speak up and tell you “what’s what!”

Smoking pot does not turn anyone into an idiot.
You are either an idiot to start with or not.

I can say that I smoked weed with some people who really should never do that again. A fun game to play with them is “laugh til you piss yourself.”

Games like that usually get the point across… Especially if they have to walk home in saggy drawers.

Smoking pot does not make you Rob a bank or commit violent crime. You might forget to pay for the donuts you ate or get in trouble for laughing too much and disturbing the peace and quiet in a library but in my wealth of experience, pot gets a bad wrap from the people I think would really benefit from finding it’s relaxing properties.

Cannabis does centralize the bloodstream towards your stomach and as a result… people get the munchies.

DO NOT go to a grocery store when high! (They have cameras everywhere and you should not unnecessarily tempt yourself in this condition.)

Pigging out when you get stoned will make you fat.
I got around this by getting high and not eating.
After about 20 minutes the urge to go eat an entire bag of potato chips fades. You can then enjoy being mellow and relaxed.

I always found smoking pot a better way to reduce anxiety and create a better linkage with the spiritual realm… Ie: getting closer to God.

I did not use smoking pot as a way to escape current reality. Most people do attempt to use drugs as an escape… but it does not work.

I found getting high helped me meditate and listen to the small still voice inside of me.
It helps me find comfort in trusting myself and in staying balanced.

Yes, I have a vape pipe. Your generation has figured out how to smoke in a way that nobody knows what is in the oil… which can be very dangerous if you don’t know what you are inhaling.

On the other hand, if you do know what is in the vial, vape pens ensure you don’t smell like an ashtray or hash pipe. That is a good thing. It gives one the ability to smoke just about anything, anytime, anywhere.

I’ve got medical grade oils that are 89% pure THC. I have no idea what that other 11% is. When I have grown the plant, I know EXACTLY what I am smoking as well as what was used to grow the plant.

Back when your parents were kids… weed was about 4% THC. You have a different game now.
One nice fat vape hit, inhaled and held until cough should put anyone on their ass… not just the first time, either. Be wary of people who make suggestions to you in this state.

If you are spinning, puking, sweating, etc. The THC or “inert other chemical” content was too great for you to handle. Drink a bunch (at least two quarts) of Gatorade or Pedialyte and (two quarts of) water and go take a nap in a safe place. You will be fine.

Don’t inhale so much the next time… and find out what is in the vial… at least to the best of your ability.

In and out…
Here are some things to consider… what you put into your body comes out.

Whether it is beer or weed or cigarettes or spice or asparagus… your body will end up sweating out that smell. It will be oozing out of your skin.

If you go jogging with your dad after a night of partying… he will know what you did. You won’t be able to hide the smell coming out of your sweat.

If you don’t hydrate enough after partying… residual “toxins” (weed, beer, Jack Daniels, vodka, Jose cuervo, spice, etc.) May reactivate and keep you feeling foggy when you need to be alert and responsive.

It used to be crappy weed soaked in diesel fuel. Great for killing brain cells. One of the people I used to smoke this with now requires 24 hour care because he can’t remember to quit drooling or wipe his ass after he goes to the bathroom. Not a good call for long term use.

I am pretty sure neither of your parents ever dropped acid but it was always my favorite drug.
There are hundreds of types of acid.
Acid… Drops the serotonin level in your brain.
This limits your brains ability….

Acid cross wires your brain in ways that are new or different to what you have experienced in the past.
People see colors or things crawling on walls.
In a bad trip they will see things crawling on themselves. The only way to stop this or stop a bad trip is to re-center yourself and focus on the good things to make the scary ones go away.

It takes a strong mind to stop thinking on bad things and start thinking on good ones especially if the serotonin level in your brain is close to zero but it is certainly do-able … I know.

The least quote dangerous unquote type of acid is called blotter paper… it lasts for a couple of hours… anywhere from 4 to maybe 12 and is generally a lightweight thing that if you are well balanced and stable is a fun experience filled with lights and kaleidoscope colors.

Great to go dancing with at an all night rave… Not good for sitting still or while being lectured to.

Not good for talking… You think you are making sense but to everyone else you have cotton in your mouth and the words that are coherent make absolutely no sense whatsoever.
“Lets go get a drink.”
Comes out like “pigs lgobbledeggok left down drink street.”
Trust me… Nobody sober won’t notice you are on something.
When they see your over-dilated pupils… you are screwed.

Micro dots, another type of acid, in your hand or under your tongue, are incredibly dangerous.

People disfigure and kill themselves or others on this long lasting, up to 5-day, insanity trip. Doing a micro. ONE time will cause permanent irreversible damage to your brain and your way of thinking.

I have seen normal people turn into raving lunatics that end up in a curled sweating ball in a corner from doing these things. I hope you never try them.

Pcp… Some people kill their children on this bender… I used to smoke it and then play Scrabble. I don’t recommend an addiction to this one as it rarely has a beneficial outcome for a highly addictive drug. A lot like the diesel guy… Pcp users have some serious long term health problems.

These problems don’t appear immediately but when they do… They take up residence and stay for the rest of your life.

About cocaine…
The candy white line is a giant waste of time.
At first you’re cold jittery as the adrenaline rush hits you and the world is a great place.
When you come down from that experience it’s like falling off a cliff and landing in a rock quarry.

You will never feel the same high a second time no matter how much more you do.

That is why people get addicted to coke and it becomes a very expensive habit.

They are trying to find that original high and I promise you no matter how much anyone snorts… They will never ever Ever have that first line experience again.

Generally women who snort coke get very horny and men do it to keep up with women but it makes most guys have a limp dick and they can’t have sex.
I think that’s very funny and sadly, it’s very true.

Skydiving has the same feeling as the first line of coke.
Every skydive has the same feeling as the first line of coke.
After 15 years of skydiving… I think skydiving is cheaper and less harmful than a cocaine habit.
I’m pretty sure your parents do not want you to go skydiving… Or become a coke head.

About heroin, morphine and opium…
I can not stress this enough. Do not do this. Ever.
I had tons of it.
It is what they give to people who are having surgery on broken bones because bones cannot be anesthetized and heroin is the great anesthesia.

Opium comes from a poppy flower… morphine and heroine are derivatives of opium. Most USA heroine comes from Afghanistan.

At first you float and then you sink like a rock.
You’re still conscious but you can’t move a muscle.

Not only are needles dangerous but anyone can take advantage of you while you are in that state and there is nothing you can do to stop them.

Besides sex with an unwanted partner or partners… People can put bad thoughts into your head when you are high on this drug and you will wholeheartedly accept the thoughts, concepts or ideas presented to you while in the highly suggestive heroine state.

Obviously it could be used for good but I have found but there is not a lot of good that it is used for other than Hospital patients.

Crack is poor man’s cocaine.
It is cocaine cut with a baby laxatives and god only knows what else.

The street definition of crack is “about 10% coke”… Baby laxatives make up about 50% and the last 40% is blender’s choice…. Often it’s rat poison.

I’ve been there to watch it being created from the brick for distribution. (A brick is a masonry sized hard solid “brick” of 90% or greater pure cocaine from Columbia.)

Crack will give you a stomach ache that will make you wish you were dead and you will have painful farts for the next 4 days.

Not to mention your head will feel like you are wearing a fishbowl and the sound of someone breathing will make your ears hurt.
Just avoid this trashy nasty waste of time.

Meth… Wow… A chemical cocktail designed to make you itchy and lose your teeth.
Most meth heads become dirty, scabby, toothless creepers… so unless you want to be like that I would avoid anyone that even asked you if you were interested in trying it.

Meth is the bottom of the bottom of the bottom and NO intelligent person ever tries it.

Ok…  In one of my less intelligent moments…I tried it. It leaves an acidic taste in your mouth… Like aluminum poisoning and it makes you think critters are crawling on your skin… Lasts up to 12 hours and I will never make that mistake a second time.

It does allow for suggestions… So usually the person offering it suggests you should have sex after you put the pipe down.

Maybe having sex with some creepy nasty person who can’t get laid any other way than to get their victims high keeps a person from noticing they are scratching their flesh to the point of bleeding while wishing they had done something better with their time.

Sex was not a priority for me at that moment… Getting the imaginary critters off my skin, that awful taste out of my mouth and wishing I hadn’t made that mistake was my priority.

In all honesty… I can say I wish someone would have told me this about meth before I tried it and I never would have done it. That was wasted time I can never have back and a memory I wish I could forget.

How to… designer Uppers and Downers…
I have no idea what these will be called in today’s terms.

Long before your time, they were called juju bees X ecstasy Molly or Adam and Eve or any number of poppers uppers Downers floaters or combination.

I would guess that today MDMA, ketamine and the like will be cheap and usually available.
Ketamine is a horse tranquilizer.

Uppers and Downers are various chemical compounds designed to alter brain function and adrenaline.

Depending on who made it… batch A might be the greatest thing since sliced bread but batch B could to turn you into a vegetable. Absolutely no way to know which batch is good and which batch will fry you.

Long, Long, long time ago people truly made drugs like this in their bathtub and you would know who grew the weed or made the compound that you were we’re taking.

Today that is not the case so I would strongly encourage you to avoid the party favors in pill form … or better put … in today’s society even I would avoid the party favors given to me where I did not know how they originated and both of your parents will tell you that… when I say I won’t do it… that means something important.

Most… most people at parties pass around drugs so that it will lower your inhibitions to allow you to say yes to have sex.

In my experience there are times where drugs do enhance sexual performance. (Yes, even though I hear people’s jaws hitting the floor… I did just say that… because in the right circumstances… some drugs can and do enhance sexual performance.)

I did not learn the techniques for this ART until I was in my late twenties and in a solid stable relationship with someone I was deeply in love with.

No corner pharmaceutical is going to make someone bad at sex magically good at it… other than possibly… in their own mind.

However, if you already know your body and have an excellent grasp of your partner’s anatomy coupled with great communication skills… some illicit drugs can make a great experience a pretty mind-blowing one.

At no time during my teenage or early 20s years did a drug enhance the sexual experience with anyone.

I may have loved the drug I was doing and I may have told the person I was with that I loved them but none of it was real.

If I was a different person I would have more regret for those experiences but they did teach me the things that I am telling you now.

Don’t do drugs and have sex and don’t get drunk to have sex.

Drunk sex will ruin your orgasm!

Yes, let me say that again… being drunk reduces or flat eliminates my ability to have a fluid release or orgasm. I can get to the edge but I don’t seem to go over it… which sucks. It sucks because alcohol deoxygenates and dehydrates your body and you need fluid and lots of oxygen to cum the way these letters will teach you!

Being proud of drunk sex is like being proud of a bad haircut. Everybody else… That knows better… Is laughing AT you! Plus, you cheated yourself out of a really good time.

While you are a teenager, I’m assuming that nothing has really changed since my day, drinking will lead to sex suggestions and then probably sex… bad sex.

This is one of those huge things I wish I would have known at 12 years old. You and your friends are experimenting. You don’t really know what your bodies can or can’t do.

You are wasting your time if you think… even for one second… that your body is going to have some glorious orgasm when drunk.

It is never going to happen. If it was… I would tell you so.

Alcohol deprives the body of oxygen… (scientific fact.. the WHY you are drunk) AND dehydrates your body (scientific fact…the hangover). You need both oxygen and fluid to do what I can do and am trying to explain to you… so you can experience what your body can do, too.

One more time… alcohol deprives the female body of the two things it needs to have a proper orgasm. If you are drunk you cannot cum!

In fact, the majority of the letters I have written you are all about how to have mind blowing orgasms as well as how to avoid the time consuming mistakes I made during my learning curves.

Thinking that being drunk and having sex would produce an orgasm worthy of remembering was a total waste of time.

You want to get drunk… okay… you want to have sex… I understand. Don’t mix these two and expect it to be anything more than a score of 2 out of a possible 10.

Drugs and drunk… it doesn’t actually make any casual sexual situation better in reality it makes the situation much worse and very unfulfilling.

Starting at the beginning…
Since you don’t have a baseline to know what being in love is… And neither do your friends… What you will be experiencing in the beginning is lust, sexual stimulation, basal reaction and empty promises veiled as “the real thing.”

I promise you… It is not. You won’t know who you are or what you really want until almost 30. Nobody does. Up until then… It’s all a learning game. By all means, learn something from everyone… Even if the lesson is “do not be like them.”

If you have specific questions… Ask. There is so much I want you to know about sex. But in reality, if it was meant for children or teenagers, people would be born able to procreate.

When you are ready, I want to divulge everything I have learned so you won’t mistake “blah boring sex” for “OMG!!! I had no idea that THIS is what is possible” sex… Which, sadly, almost everyone fails miserably at learning.

Great sex is an ART! After more than 30 years of sexual partners… maybe six of them were really good… all the rest I can barely remember if I remember them at all. There is also a huge difference between sex and love… Sex as a teenager is like riding a tricycle. Love is like a Ferrari.

Oh yeah… You should be able to identify all sexual disease markers before ever having sex the first time.

Go get the herpes vaccine now…. 1 in 5 people have this disease.

Know what warts, herpes etc. look like so you will know who to avoid.
Don’t take their word for it… They will screw you over… In a heartbeat.

Since I’m not there… I hope you are like your mom… And not like I was/still am.
Her way is a much better choice.
If curfew was 10:00 pm… She was home by 9:58 pm.

I just want you to know what you are not missing and what to do if you find yourself in an unfortunate situation and being tempted.

At some point, these scenarios will present themselves.

Walk away… Run if you have to. Anyone who pressures you is just looking to take your power from you. You are the only one who decides whether to keep your power or give it away.

You are free to share this with your friends… Knowledge of truth is power and a lot more powerful than ignorance or peer pressure.

An ounce of prevention is worth tons more than the cure… Because there is NO cure for the scars caused by regrettable memories.

Love you,

C. Change


Thank you!!! Thank you for the knowledge!!! This is good stuff I will use to have a better life.


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If I'd known these things when I was younger... Oh... the different roads I might have traveled. Its never too late to ensure a better future for someone else when good knowledge is passed around.

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