Letter #2 Part 1
I briefly touched on teenage sex in my last letter to you.
I would like to expand on that here.
But first, a little bit of terminology… a boundary is also called: red line, hard limit, edge.
A boundary is like a road. There is the driving lane (open), the shoulder (ok to use), the curb (red line or edge), the grass beside the curb opposite the road (hard limit). Hard limits are when people have crossed the red line and have entered the “no go” zone.
Do not allow anyone to cross a boundary you verbally give them prior to engaging in any type of sexual activity.
You do not engage in sexual activity until you have expressed your boundaries FIRST!!!
For instance… “Don’t hit me!”
If they get close to a hard limit… give them a kind verbal warning.
“Not even a play spanking. It does not turn me on.”
If they continue to encroach on an explicitly stated boundary… (a second time), immediately stop what you are doing and lose their number. (THIS IS ACTUALLY EASIER THAN YOU THINK.)
Anyone who crosses a red line is not someone you want in your life.
If someone gets to a hard limit… they are way over the line. This is unacceptable.
Everybody has different boundaries. Be sure they understand yours and you understand theirs before a misunderstanding occurs.
Oftentimes, people do things to their partner that they want done to them.
Over the years, I noticed that people with poor communication skills use physical touch to convey what they are thinking and secretly wish to say but can’t find their voice.
Do people still ask if they can kiss you before they try? Or do they just lean in and expect you to reciprocate?
Going back to my “don’t hit me” example… If your partner slaps your ass… and you already told him you don’t like it… this is their way of asking you to give them a good smack that leaves a red hand print.
In this situation… plant a paw on the side of the butt cheek with enough force to hear that smack half a mile away.
When the sting on their skin connects with their brain… make eye contact and politely say, “I have no problem giving you love taps… where would you like me to place the next one?”
Wait for an answer.
Then follow that up with, “I’m glad this turns you on but hit me again and I will: have you thrown in jail/ break your nose/ never talk to you again…” or whatever you feel is appropriate to get the point across… but do Not make an empty threat!
Boundaries require you to act upon corrective action immediately!
… And the point of a boundary is that you want to please your partner and you want them to please you.
You will have different “wants” because that is just how it is.
Using the ass smack example above, I have found that when the partner realizes they are going to get what they want (a red ass), they will respect your wishes.
This also opens a new line of communication… and makes future requests easier.
I will talk more about communication in a later letter. I just wanted to cover the concept of boundaries here, now.
Continued… Letter #2 Part 2