Introduction to the Letters

Aloha and Thank You for visiting.
I’ve got a lot of great things about #sex and #orgasm to share with you.

If this is your first read, welcome. You are going to find a lot of answers you won’t find anywhere else.

If this is not the first post you read, I am glad you enjoyed what you learned so far.

The #FoodForThought won’t be disappointing…

This blog is divided into the following categories: sex be religion, teenage experiences (drugs, drinking, first time, condoms, etc.), STD/sti (bathing, removal of an unplanned “accident”), sex experiences/BDSM (some are how to and some are the kind that make penthouse forum blush and normal/vanilla people pass out), toy training and orgasm exercises (how to make g-spots, how to pick training toys for o/g/a/s/m spots (those are the actual medical terms), an index finger can touch your ovary, why some guys bend to the left and other useful tidbits) and finally relationships/boundaries/communication (probably the most important items of necessity).

The original letters (about 200 of them) were written in succession. If the post has a “Letter #” then it was part of the original series. If the post does not contain “Letter #” at the beginning of the post, then that was written for everyone who is not my niece. (She would have some background the rest of you don’t.)

Each Letter builds upon knowledge gained in a previous letter… much like a basic textbook. The low number letters start with the basics that most people should hear when they are pre-teens and glides into high school, college, adult world and underworld subject matter in the 200 series.

Most of the Letters are about how to train your sexual muscles to orgasm the way your body was designed to achieve. Getting things out of order can be dangerous. Follow the posts starting with the earliest post first if you really want to lay a proper foundation. (Pun intended.)
Seriously, crawl before you attempt to run and end up tripping and falling. It hurts. I know.

Sex… is a good thing… especially when it is done well and for the right reasons.

It’s a gnosis. Why? I figured out the best orgasms are: 1) spiritual in nature, 2) are in a monogamous loving relationship, 3) with a partner you knew instantly was your soul mate (even before introducing yourself), 4) require you to know how to operate you before entering said relationship 5) without a doubt the best reason to exist on earth and 6) usually won’t happen until you are in your thirties.

(Yep, it takes lots of practice to train those muscles correctly. Babies born with legs can’t walk for about a year. What makes you think a pubescent teen is going to magically know what real love is or how to orgasm at your optimal potential when your junk isn’t even properly trained until your late twenties or early thirties?). It’s no surprise thirty is about the time people realize they chose the wrong mate and start looking for sexual fulfillment in new and undiscovered ways… hmmmm.

Enjoy the Letters to Jamison.
Some of them may answer questions you never thought to ask.
Share with your friends… and maybe some enemies you’d like to have as friends.
Throw $1.00 into the hat and support if you feel you learned something of value. (Here at the bottom of a post or at patreon because that is how I know the choice to make the Letters available was helpful for you.)
With love, great orgasms, healthy relationships and Aloha,
C. Change


Thank you


Valentine’s VD a Gift That Keeps On Giving

Valentine’s and VD
HIV vaccine… I understand they have one now… go get it or learn how to squirt so you will have the ability to be self cleaning. I have two anecdotal stories for you to illustrate my point.

Story #1
I remember when aids first hit the news. A few days later, I was at my favorite bar, in my suspended cage above the dance floor, dancing in 6” black stiletto heels with a male stripper behind me, when I noticed a crowd gather around the bar below me. Then and there, I got my first glimpse of how people would react to the latest deadly STD.

Enter the cute, pink “I don’t have aids” button.

Right there underneath me… there was a man with a big box. People gathered around… buttons being passed out at the bar.

Nope, no test… you just got a big pink glow in the dark button which you proudly displayed on your chest proclaiming your I don’t have aids (so it’s ok to have unprotected sex with me) promotion and continued to speed date, get drunk, do lines of coke in the bathroom and ultimately go home with the guy who drove up in a lambo.

It’s no real surprise to me now how the aids epidemic exploded. I was right there in the thick of it. Because of my ardent stupidity, I spent the next twenty plus years being tested every 6 months for a disease I never contracted… but many people doing exactly what I was doing, did.

We were all playing a sexual game of Russian roulette. Chance probably has something to do with the outcome. But statistically, the deck was not stacked in my favor. I hit the joker’s, too not just the usual 52.

Maybe there was something about me… the internal and external self-cleaning mechanism I utilized… that made the difference?

Almost 20 years later, when I was still on the plane, landing in Thailand, the stewardesses passed out condoms and statistics fliers along with our passport entry forms and explained that Bangkok, our landing destination, had the highest incidence of aids worldwide. I can’t remember but it was some ridiculous percentage … like half or greater than half of the teen to 30 year olds had aids. Not HIV but full blown AIDS.

We were going to go to bars and I was told not to let anybody sweat on me. Try that in a jam packed club at New year’s. Ha!

After being highly entertained on the mainland, I met friends on the little outter islands. One of them is a popular destination called Koh Samui.

Prostitution is a way of life on Koh Samui’s four, roughly mile long, dirt Ugly Roads. Mixed in with Muay Thai boxing venues, parents sell their small children… out in the open. It’s normal behavior there.

The bar store-fronts have stages and a row of girls dressed in the exact same outfit arranged from toddler to pre-teen standing side by side awaiting their next trick. It was like the old version of 42nd Street in New York City with school age children as the wares. I took pictures.

It’s mostly tourists that walk down the streets to buy underage girls and boys from their parents. Boys are called kai-tai and made up to look like girls. The visitor buys a drink, points at a child, the mama-san goes and takes the child by the hand and leads it AND the customer around to the back of the building. A little while later the mama-san returns with the kid in tow and the child is placed back in the on-stage line-up.

We watched a German male in his late 50s check out child store front after store front and finally settle on one he liked. He could legally buy a kid for sex who could not have been 4 years old yet and the mama-san didn’t even flinch and neither did the kid as she was led behind the building. I guess almost 4 years old is old enough to be alone with a 50 year old man because the mama-san came back to the front to sell an even younger kid and an older kid to someone else while the about 4 year old was still being used.

Once those kids get to be about 12 or 13 they are too old for the sex trade and join normal society on the mainland to date, continue prostitution (since it’s really all they know how to do to put food in their belly) and if they can snag the right bait, hitch a ride with or marry a tourist who will take them out of their known world.

At a time when teenagers in America are just beginning to learn about sexual experience, these kids are retired from multiple adult partners on a daily basis since they were not quite old enough to walk.

And, yes… they are seriously diseased. It’s in their sweat, spit, tears, piss, clothes they wear or try on and don’t buy in a store… on the plastic bottle they drank from, the money that changed hands, the gas pump handle, the taxi cab seat, the door at the restaurant, it’s everywhere.

Tourists gave diseases to children who gave it to more tourists who took it home and gave it to their significant other who gave it to their thing-on-the-side who gave it to their actual boy/girlfriend who drank out of someone else’s cup… are you getting the message yet???

It is also a very different culture. A culture, not unlike it’s food, that has travelled all over the world.

Why am I telling you this story?
I’m reinforcing the protect yourself motif.

According to the movie Sold… there are roughly 5.5 million child prostitutes at the current time. It’s a good movie to watch. I think their estimate of the number of child prostitutes is low, very very low.

Back to my story…
There was a day when I got a call from an attorney or family member of some random guy I had sex with and he had slept with a prostitute who gave him aids.

Apparently, they had tracked down the sex worker and she had died and so had the guy, along with a string of other people this guy had infected. The person contacting me was stunned to hear that I was healthy.

I had two things going for me that none of the others did. One: I bathed after sex. Two: I had an internal fluid flushing system called an orgasm that probably kept me from more problems that I will ever know. I always enjoyed one final orgasm when getting clean after sex just to make sure I smelled like me again.

I watched and participated as patient Zero in the 80s became about 30% of the globe. And for what? Amusement? Pride? Hate? Ignorance? Arrogance? I sure wasn’t thinking about the future.

Somehow, I survived the worst of the ugliest and I am grateful for that. But you, you are just stepping up into the mess we made. I know it’s not fair and I apologise.

Everybody older than you is responsible. Whether it was inaction, turning a blind eye, actively participating, forced submission or fighting a losing battle; we all allowed the creation of your world.

There are, I still believe, equal amounts of good to balance the bad. Just be very aware that there is a segment of the global population that was born into sex slavery, thinks life is a throw away commodity and cares even less about your life than they do about their own.

Protect yourself…. This Valentine’s day and EVERY day.

Love you,
C. Change

Click your mouse part two

Letter #17
Picking a Glass Toy for Training

One of my favorite toys is this little piece of glass with a bulbous top (start with the 1″ wide variety) that narrows to a small shaft with a wide circular base containing bumpy nodules. It has a round handle below the base.

This basic shape comes in a variety of colors, shapes and sizes. The 3” depth is best for training… vaginally or anally.

Use the 1”-1.5” width tip that is rounded… not the pointy one. The shaft width for this size is usually ¾”.

You want an initial toy that has some distinct variation between the head and the shaft so that you can train your internal parts to “suck down” on the entire unit… to conform to the shape of the toy.

The whole toy only needs a dime sized drop of organic coconut oil to be properly lubed.

Set up a wide mouth glass with ice cubes and a little water beside your “space.”
This is what you put the toy in when it is not inside you.

Ever wonder why they call it “hot pussy”… you are about to find out.

You will probably like the cold sensation on the tip.

At the speed of your heartbeat… and using alternating hands (you need to be ambidextrous to be properly balanced) slowly twist the toy in in one-half inch increments and then twist it back out.

As you twist the toy in… breathe in.

Breathe in for a count of 8 (or four heartbeats).

Reverse the process at the same speed while you exhale.

Continue to match breath and heartbeat.

Allow your internal sensory skin to feel what is going on.

The twisting motion should cause your internal skin to conform to the toy.

This is super important!!!!
Slow is super important!!!!

You are not trying to stretch yourself… you are trying to teach yourself how to allow a foreign object in and then compress the object with your vaginal walls. This will allow you to stay “tight” regardless of the size of the object.

You are “introducing” a foreign body into your body. Give your body a chance to get to know it’s new dance partner.

Keep using the half inch twisting and untwisting method until the nodules at the base of the toy meets your clitoris.
Now you can play “twist-her.”

Just like in yoga… Pay attention to your heartbeat and breathing rhythms.

This skill is akin to the finger warm up exercises of a piano player.

Breathing through the body, slowly matching the speed of the toy moving in and out, will help immensely when you learn how to orgasm.

When things get a little too hot, stick the toy back in the ice cubes for a minute.

Use this break time to go to the bathroom and drink a glass of water.
Repeat as necessary.

Notice I never said anything about going jackrabbit fast… that is because fast does not produce the same sensation as slow.

Fast may be great if you have no sensitivity and the only thing you can feel is the “in thrust” momentum. Follow my instructions to be able to feel everything!!! This produces much greater sensitivity and thus, better orgasms.

Being taught how to stay tight will please your partner but it will please you so much more.
Women might giggle about how men were circumcised after birth, removing the 8,000 nerve endings at the head of the penis… desensitizing them.
Maybe this was a good thing to help them last longer.
While I think that is a poorly constructed argument… Having that flap of skin removed does make the area easier to clean.

Men have been giggling, too!
Fast and not being able to feel everything… desensitizes You!
… And that… is missing the mark entirely.

Continues in next post…

C. Change


Thank you for sharing! This new understanding is going to make my relationship better. I would like to support your continued educational efforts.


Click your mouse part one

Letter #16
Proper Toy at the Proper Time

Remember when I noted earlier that you never use a vibrating or battery operated toy unless you are with a partner? It is true.

Do not train yourself to orgasm by vibrating with battery operated mechanisms.

First, this technique stops you from teaching your muscles to do the work. Which is where the fun is anyway.

Second, battery operated objects do not produce the best orgasms.

An egg or bullet inside you or a battery operated toy on your clitoris while a solid object is inside you will make things more enjoyable… When used sparingly!

There are times when you don’t want some mechanical piece of junk messing up a love-making experience so do not use mechanical toys in training. They are an accessory not a staple.

Ben-wa balls were the vaginal training tools of our ancestors. You would put them inside you and move them around with your own muscles. They Are pretty cool.

Ben-wa balls up inside you while you sit on a Sybian or Harley Davidson can be quite a treat. (Don’t fall off the back of the Harley!)

Ben-wa balls are usually made of metal and have some unique inlaid designs on them. They come in various weights and sizes. Amazon sells them… But as a starter… There are better options.

Most vibrators and dildos are made of some form of plastic or new fangled “safe latex”, “medical grade silicone” or other skin-like material.

You know what I’ve said about non-natural materials… do not use this stuff.

Ok… I do say use condoms. Especially with people and if someone brings you a toy that is not still in the package. (At a party or your new significant other wants to use this thing they just pulled out of the secret hiding space in their closet… who knows where that thing has been or if roaches or rats have peed on it.)

Tupperware as the example…
When a person buys Tupperware the product is initially very rigid. Over time it gets softer and less rigid.

Check in your kitchen cupboard and feel the rigidity of the various plastic containers… gauge the difference between the older ones versus newer ones of the same brand.
Plastic breaks down. Especially when heated!

Guess what happens to those plastic molecules in a food container… those molecules end up in your food.
Guess what happens to a plastic toy you stick in you… it breaks down over time.

The plastic stinks and you will stink, too.

Even the “medical grade silicone” toys I have used… had the silicone sluffing off at some point. (For instance… the veins on a life-like male member were rubbed off by use. Pits were left in the material.)

If you use medical grade silicone toys expect to throw them out about every 3 months.
Wash them ten times before you use them. Get the slick package crap off before using a toy the first time. Never just take it out of the package and stick it in you.
Any pits in the silicone will harbor microscopic bacteria.

I can give you a disadvantage for every material that is not natural.

Bare, unpolished Wood will give you splinters… but hopefully you are smarter than to put anything rough inside you.

My favorite toys are glass. The drawbacks to glass are rigidity and possible shattering… but if you purchase good quality, solid glass insert-able objects and don’t use them as darts… I have never had one break.

All training toys should have a handle at the base. You will need this initially, as a way to control the toy.

When you choose a regular use toy… get ones with flat bases that can stand on their own. Choose one from that company I mentioned in the first couple of letters. The one that makes second-to-none glass!

Flat, wide bases are easier to keep from getting pushed too far inside you (the base keeps them from going in) and if you need to put a suction cup on it for use in the bathtub… ya can.

Part two… How to pick the correct training toy to train your box for best results… Continued in next post.


Thanks for the great ideas! I'd like to send you a gift, too.


C. Change

Not Ready for a Kid… Here’s What Our Ancestors Did

Not ready for a kid? Here’s what our ancestors did…
EPT test says everything’s a go
But you are sweating, Oh No! Whoa!
Who hasn’t heard this scenario…

Help, I think I got my girlfriend pregnant.
Ok 14-24m/f, don’t explode or melt down just yet. You have all the tools you need to solve the problem without hitting the panic button.

Our ancestors used an “easy button” method that I will explain herein. It takes about ten completely painless seconds if you know your body (or your partner’s body) the way you should.

Whether you are male or female, I’d like you to refer to the posted letter Dr.B and My Ovary.

Gee, unless you plan to repeat the pregnancy scare episode again in this lifetime, consider the option to blow a load in something you can wash down the drain or take with you in the future. I think that concept just made the “more important” list? (There’s a letter about this, too!)

She didn’t want to take a morning after pill?
Not interested in the stigma or expense of an abortion?

Is this some type of weaponized sex? (Another letter to read) An attempt to lock you down for life?
I know… we need to deal with the issue at hand… or in the vagina so to speak.

Besides the obvious panic syndrome, doctor visit, morality lectures, Bible thumping and un-planned parenthood options, did you know that your index finger can remove the newly forming growth on a uterine wall?

It can.

Years after I had been taught to internally check myself; I ran, angrily crashing, into Dr.B’s office for an unexpected visit. My then Hamptons boyfriend has roofed me and knocked me up when I was passed out after I told him I didn’t want to get married. Have a baby by me baby and you’ll be a millionaire may be great song lyrics but this wasn’t how I wanted to bring a child into the world.

After calming me down, Dr.B explained that I already had the skills to “remove my problems.”

In addition to Dr.B teaching me how to reach my own ovary from the inside, he also gave me a quick lesson in how to lightly swipe off something I didn’t want to carry around on the inside. This won’t work with warts but it will solve an unwanted pregnancy situation.

Lightly is the key. No digging required. It takes a gentle well-placed brush of a finger to remove a pin- head sized fetus. In fact, it takes more pressure to slide on a contact lens than to remove an early stage mouth to feed.

This method only works in the first month or so. After that time period has elapsed, the embryo has gotten a pretty good attachment to the wall.

If you’ve waited past the first trimester to decide you are not ready to bring new life into the world, I’d suggest making other arrangements than attempting a d&c with a coat hangar. (If this is a foreign concept, Google this as it was the malicious behavior that ushered in our current abortion allowance laws.)

The whole point of doing the finger trick in ten seconds or less is about not getting aroused.

You want the shortest path between the outside environment and the object for removal. Male and female sex organs originated from the same basic material. It is logical to understand that human body parts have some flexibility and stretching ability.

When women are not aroused, the vaginal canal contracts to around 3” in length (just like a male penis). When the canal is short, a finger that knows where it is going can reach past a cervix in no-time flat.

If the finger knows what feels normal and what doesn’t… the job of removing a nodule roughly the size of a grain of sand just got super easy.

But what if you don’t know what I just said you should know… no time like the present to learn.

Is ignorance really blissful at this moment?

Sadly, horny is not helpful in this situation other than to learn your girl’s moves and grooves. Once you know the “lay of the land” wait until nobody is aroused to attempt the ten second finger removal trick.

You do know how to finger you or your girlfriend to get her off… right?
If not, it only takes one or two fingers to do this well.

After stimulating the clitoris, when she gets noticeably wet, you may begin to insert a finger. To do this deftly, take a page from nature… watch an inchworm inspect it’s surroundings. Pretend your finger is an inchworm.

It goes in a little bit and wiggles around to check out its surroundings… your finger mimics the inchworm behavior by rolling your finger in a clockwise and/or counterclockwise motion to get a feel for the cave you are entering.

Go a little deeper… only to acceptance. You will know if what is being penetrated likes it, as her back will arch a little more, legs will spread a little wider, the wet will get a little wetter, breathing and heart rate change, and so on.

If you are asked to put two fingers inside… same entry procedure with optional scissors, finger can-can dancing, creative finger exercises alternating fingers and add a twist every so often for some surprise fun.

You only have to get to knuckle deep to get to an ovary… and that is too far for what you are looking for.

There is a definite difference in feel between the vaginal walls, the cervix and the uterine walls. Each area has its own distinct brand of wallpaper.

Granted, most guys have no idea what they are doing. They try to shove as many fingers as possible into the orifice in an attempt to make her feel “filled” which isn’t the way to solve this problem.

No finger snapping inside the vaginal canal nor punishing rapid penetration is going to be your friend in this situation.

Pretend her box is your cell phone and tap fifty one-finger Twitter posts on the proposed path to success. You gotta get her love canal to river up and relax or you will not pass the cervix gate.

You are gently feeling for that one teensy spot past the cervix that does not feel like the others. You are feeling for a tiny bump on the uterine wall… about the size of a small pimple.

Quick, fast moves will cause her to upwardly contract the space around the object you are trying to reach and make that future heartbeat just about impossible to find.

No fingernails either.

Scratching her on the inside is not going to achieve what you want. It will provide the opposite reaction from your desired results.

Soft and slow will produce the relaxed nature both of you need to finish playing your exploration game that brings the buried treasure to light.

If she is pregnant and you got the spot, a tiny bit of blood (one drop) will be on your fingertip when you have finished the excavation. Within an hour or so, she should start her menstrual cycle.

If the finger trick doesn’t work… you aren’t doing it right or she isn’t pregnant.

If she is sure she is pregnant and the ept test confirms her position but your finger tactics didn’t work… you can try sex toys. However, I caution against this method.

Why? If you are inept at using your fingers… you will most likely just do damage with a toy that you have even less control over than your fingers.

Your next alternative is to use the same tool that knocked her up to remove the fetus, provided your length is 5.5” or longer.

Why? Masters and Johnson determined the vaginal canal extends to just under 5” during arousal.

You need to penetrate the uterus, past the vaginal canal, where the fetus is forming. When using a finger, the initial arousal is minimal. When using your member… hopefully you are both more aroused than by initial finger stimulation alone.

This recoupling of the dripping parts will probably require her to be on top and curved forward such that she can bite your erect nipples. You will both have to time your strokes for maximum penetration to pass the cervix to locate the item you want to dislodge.

May I boldly suggest not ejaculating inside again as there have been rare instances where a second egg was released and fertilized in this manner. Your sperm can live for up to three days in there and at the right time of the hormone cycle, a fallopian tube can release an egg in less than three days. An egg can also fertilize and get stuck in a fallopian tube.

Hopefully the creative juices for manually stimulating your partner get more use than for just the purpose of removal. I speak more to finger techniques in the foreplay letters.

So smile, stop panicking, let the politicians keep arguing Roe v Wade, while your fingers do some typing and swiping to make everyone involved sweat for fun for a little while.

I’m sure there is a good reason why this information is no longer common knowledge… while I don’t know the specific reasoning for hiding this information… I’m betting it has something to do with misery and money.

If one calculates all the people they know who were trapped into relationships (misery);
That if the trapped had freely known and used the common knowledge of our ancestors I listed here for you (money);
And that knowledge enabled those trapped individuals to choose different partners to mate with… how different would the world be today? (Freedom and happiness).

Try this poll… ask your parents and grandparents or random people over 40 the following question…

You were going to have children but knowing what you know now, do you wish you would have chosen a different partner to have those children with?

The answers you get might be surprising.

As always… if you learned something new of value, please share the Letters2Jamison with at least two friends. Knowledge is power.
Your support is greatly appreciated.


Thank you for giving me this valuable insight. I will share this and here is something for you, too!


Meeting Playboy’s Hef

About Meeting Hef…
I know the information I’m presenting to you is a bit off most people’s radars. That’s ok with me.
As I was searching to find an outlet to syndicate these letters as a column so that your potential future partner might have some of the knowledge you have, I came across an interview with one of the many Playboy editors.

Citing the two most popular questions as: 1) have you been to the mansion and 2) did you meet Hef?
I can say when I answer both of those questions the answer is yes.

It’s a bit awkward for me to tell you this next part, seeing as how I rarely turn down an opportunity to have memorable sex, but when I was invited to the mansion, Hef walked over and introduced himself.

I am sure if there was a memorable part of this exchange for him, it was that I told him if we had sex it would probably kill him. I won’t disagree that the best way to die is probably having the best orgasm of your life.

However, at least in my mind, if I killed my dad’s top-pedestal idol from heart attack via orgasm, I would probably not still be alive to write you these letters.

Hef’s greatest heart desire was to have sex with the best lay on the planet. He knew who I was and what I am capable of. After our verbal exchange, I think he wished he was 30 years younger. At the time, I wished his immediate wish was one I could grant. He knew sex as mental, physical, emotional and spiritual… he had that beacon of light over top of him that only the illuminated ones can see.

Even though there were probably 200 other women in the area, all more than willing to do anything to gain his favor… after our exchange, he just walked off, alone.

My experiences creating the goodies in these letters may take you to places that none of your friends will ever go. These keys will allow access to the highest echelons. How you handle that journey is up to you. I just want you to have the information at your disposal.

When you arrive at a destination equivalent to the Playboy Mansion, be yourself. After you’ve looked at the art, go back towards the entrance, pass the tennis courts, wind your way through the Rose garden, stop and sniff the roses, marvel at the statues, go play pinball… the guest house is full of machines. Take the road less travelled.

If you want to meet a rock star… don’t be starry eyed. Be a Person who you would want to spend time with. Billionaires, movie stars, rock stars, actors, CEOs of Fortune 100 companies all put their pants on one leg at a time. If you want to be treated like an equal in these situations, you can’t act like a minion.

This same advice also works for that person you like and have your first crush on.

In a healthy relationship, you will attract what you are. You will both bring balance to the table. Neither would be more dominant than the other. Ideally, you will both have strengths to compliment each other’s weaknesses. Your talents different but complimentary.

You will both have dreams and goals that hopefully mesh. If those don’t… the relationship will last as long as it lasts and then it will be time to move on.

There are deal killers. You will have them and so will your partners. Decide if the deal killers are worth it to keep or if your deal killer can be put on hold or thrown out.

When you were too young to remember me, I gave you a series of blessings. One of them was, “Anticipate the needs of others and deliver them before the need is expressed. You will do this and only pick people who do this for you.”

It is easy to do this at the beginning of most relationships. It remains easy to do if you always check yourself at the door before walking in and imagine the person you are in the relationship with, is just another version of you. Think of it as always being in a relationship with yourself.

Regardless of what their name is or their outward appearance… That person is you.

When you have sex with someone… imagine you are having an out of body experience and your partner is you. It’s amazing what a difference that change in perception makes. Treat you well.

I recognize that this will make your pool of available candidates much smaller than the gross of available candidates but by the time you were born, I knew if your “initial filter” requirement ensured your partners would pay attention to you and address your needs… your starting block would be a few miles ahead of everyone else’s.

Might I suggest when you are dreaming up your future prince charming… start with beautiful on the inside then beautiful on the outside as the two primary, over-arching features.

Love you,
C. Change

Thanks for these life improving thoughts. I will share this with my friends. Here’s a gift for you, too.

thank you for the knowledge gift



Letter # 101 Am I in a healthy relationship?

Do you know how to tell when you are not with the right person?
I will cut to the chase and answer this one for you.

A relationship is OVER the first time you look at someone else and wonder what it would be like to be with that other person instead of the one you are with.

Something about your current relationship is not meeting all of your needs.

Modern society has all sorts of excuses for why you stay where you are and deal with the problem and in so doing you end up violating another major boundary… being honest with yourself.

The popular excuse is “I love this person so I’m going to work it out.”

This may stem from the concept that a divorce was almost impossible to obtain prior to the mid 1960s… It wasn’t socially acceptable until around 1980…

Riiiiight. Sure you love your partner. You love them like I love chocolate.

There are 8 different words to describe 8 different types of love in the Bible.

Unless you had that “hit-in-the-head-with-a-baseball-bat” type of love I discussed earlier… (2) things: (1) then the titillating feeling of finding a different partner is your inner knowing that the person you are with …isn’t the best match and (2) when you are really in love, the way it is meant to be, you don’t notice anyone but your partner.

People get into wrong relationships all the time and spend the rest of their life trying to make it work.

Who are they trying to please? It’s obviously not the unhappy person in the mirror.

Even a monkey in a laboratory quits trying to put a square peg in a round hole after a certain number of tries. It’s the job of the scientists behind the mirror evaluating the monkey to keep track of the number of tries attempted before the monkey realizes effort after foolishness does not pay off.

I do think some monkeys are smarter than people in certain situations.
Take a gander at the bonobo monkey tribe. A matriarch dominant society that settles their differences using sex. It works, too.

What I want you to realize is that you are responsible for everything that happens in your life.


Technically the word means the ability to respond in a given situation.

I’ve noticed most people think they are responsible.

Even those adult individuals who have sex with toddlers, people who knowingly transmit deadly diseases, the banker who forecloses a house and kicks a family out on the street on Christmas Eve because they are late on the payment, the reporter who refused to do due diligence and parrots a lie, just a few examples of a terribly long list that includes you and me because even we Think we are responsible. Welcome to life… we all fall short of being responsible at some point.

I’m going to circle back to boundaries and communication.
Without appropriate boundaries and communication skills to enforce those boundaries, we end up in less than stellar situations.

Often, we don’t even realize when our own behavior crosses one of our own espoused boundaries.

A perfect example.

The example of that guy ran a red light and hit me… you didn’t have to be in that place at that time.

You could have been somewhere else. I promise you that the small voice inside told you ahead of time to be aware of your surroundings.

Why weren’t you listening? Was the radio more important?

Did your thoughts taking you out of here and now get in the way of being present? Was there some drama from another experience playing in your head that kept you from listening to yourself?

It really doesn’t matter what the subject matter noun is… this is one of the critical life lessons every person needs to accept, understand and thus… be responsible.

There is no such thing as a no fault accident in life.

If you are not present, you are 100% at fault. If you are present you bear half the responsibility for not getting out of the way.

You bear 100% of the responsibility for not taking action to create the solution appropriate for your needs.

This requires communication skills. With yourself! … and with everyone else involved!

Adopt this now and your entire life will be better for it.

Fail to recognize this as a basic premise for life and you will just keep giving away your power. You will keep living in co-dependent relationship disasters and wondering where and when it “all went wrong” while you erroneously look for something or someone else to blame.

Go look in the mirror. Fix that!

You can only attract that which you are.

Healthy people have healthy relationships.
Unhealthy people have unhealthy relationships.

Guess what… healthy people don’t get into relationships with unhealthy people. They stick with their own kind.

To have a healthy relationship, YOU must get healthy first!

If you can’t stand someone else’s bad behavior look and see what commensurate same rotten behavior you have.

Ok, your partner is a drunk and you are not. You are a nagging bitch. Quit pointing fingers. The problem is the same.

The outward problem appears different but the underlying cause is the exact same. You are both morbidly unhappy. The final outcome is the same.

Neither party wants to be around the other one when their inability to cope with the underlying issue results in ugly behavior.

You both have a behavior that needs less positive reinforcement and a life that needs a new skill set.

Circle back to boundaries and communication.

Life is about boundaries and communication.

Master these two items and life will be much more enjoyable.