Quality vs. Quantity

As a teenager, the world is full of new surprises. In your twenties, you think you know everything… well, not everything – but you are the Master of Your Universe… until you learn something new.

Think of life as a pie. 10% you know you know (how to work your iphone). 10% you know you don’t know (quantum physics equations). The other 80%… that is the learning curve.

The pie is not a static size. As you learn and grow – that pie gets bigger and bigger.

For instance, the first Apple computer had 12k of memory. If that was all there was to the “computer” pie… your iPhone would weigh 20 pounds, be plugged into a wall, require dial-up to connect and operate using 12k of memory with a green screen.

My point is – no matter what you learn about sex as a teenager – or in your twenties or in your thirties – or god forbid in your 50s… cause while people my age may seem older than dirt to you – the only real difference between me at 14 and me now is: bigger tits, lots more experience, wrinkles, my own roof and rules… Great sex is one of those practice areas where I still participate in continuing education all the time. I learn new things that make the original building blocks more useful.

As such, I am going to throw a whole bunch of things at you that are not on your radar or a whole lot of other people’s radar.

This is not to say that I think all of these things should be something you should endeavor to excel at next week. Quite the contrary!

When I say things like… know about this… but keep it for later… I am speaking from experience. Experience that I wish someone would have told me about so that I would not have had to fumble through figuring it out for myself.

Before you learned to ride a tricycle you probably saw a bicycle and knew what a car was. You were not ignorant of a bicycle or car as something other people knew how to operate. Before you learned to ride that first tricycle… you kinda had a sneaking suspicion riding a bicycle without training wheels and driving a car were things you would learn how to operate later in life. As a tricycle trainee, you knew you didn’t have the skills to peddle two wheels or parallel park until after you learned to master the three wheeled mechanism designed to accommodate your small frame.

Sex is a lot like that. As a teenager… you are at the Little Tikes Big Wheel stage. You may know what a Ferrari is… but you can’t drive one well, yet. Putting any teenager in a Ferrari is tantamount to handing them the keys to an expensive, fantastical, spectacular crash that will probably land them in a hospital.

When the best “teen sex advice” is… talk to your partner, use a condom because we know you are going to experiment and here is the number to call when you think you are pregnant or you have a disease… without telling them the things in these letters first… it is tantamount to knowingly handing a teenager the keys to a Ferrari with the 100% expectation that they will crash and burn.

Not only is that just plain mean… you don’t get to go back to the dealership and get another brand – spanking new Ferrari. This is your body. The only one you get. If you crash it on your first test drive, you are stuck with mangled and bent metal, scratches and dents, needing a new paint job… for the rest of your life.

Wouldn’t it be a lot nicer to drive around in a mint condition cherry Ferrari than be sitting on a twisted hunk of metal that is dragged down the street by a rope attached to a donkey?

You are going to travel through life… let me tell you how do it in style…

I will put things on your radar that are for “way far in the future”… because… well… if you have an idea about what is around the next bend… you might keep going down the road at a safe pace and speed that you can handle with confidence.

I would hate for you to stop short of great things just because you were kept in the dark and did not know what is possible… when you are ready for them.

People that think drunk sex or ten whole minutes of sex is the way to go… really fell short of the starting gate in my opinion.

All too often I trusted people I shouldn’t have because I did not know they were selling snake oil. They just had a smoother presentation which I was gullible enough to believe.

The first time someone tried to tie me up… I ran.
The second time… I was not a happy camper.
Looking at me now… you would think I took to it like a duck to water – but that would be a huge erroneous assumption. It took years for me to be in a safe relationship where I was willing to release my control freak attitude and even feign or entertain the thought of relaxing in power with a rope as my tether.

So, I am hoping you enjoy the letters.

I was having a conversation with my mom the other day. Two items hit home from that conversation that I want to make sure I clarify properly. Right here and right now.

It became apparent she is worried you might take the kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince routine… like I did. First of all… this does not work.

Until your knowledge base concerning your boundaries, what does and does not turn you on and your ability to comfortably articulate those things is strongly established… kissing frogs will only result in Proverbial Warts.

While I did make stupid mistakes like having lots of partners, it stemmed from a statistical concept of “sooner or later I will hit the jackpot” instead of realizing the “jackpot” was inside me and not in someone else. But I didn’t know that then.

When I did find a suitable partner… I ran that for all it was worth until that growth experience was complete.

It also dawned on me that nobody really likes the image of their parents having sex in real life or in their imagination.

I like visual presentation (like a guy – beautiful things turn me on). While my parents consider their sex life a beautiful thing, my vision of them bumping uglies is a stomach turning event fraught with vomiting consequences.

I have a very hard time staying sexually focused when I see or imagine something that requires me to go stare directly into the sun in order to burn the image from my eyes and brain stem.

Listening to a parent explain sex can be daunting at best and uncomfortable in a heartbeat. But here is where it gets a little weird…

Most people grow up to be like their parents.

If your grandaddy was a baker and your daddy was a baker there is a good chance you will be a baker, too. If you follow the family tradition, your kid will want to be a baker, also.

It doesn’t matter if your dad’s name is John Baker, Vito Corleone, Julius Caesar or Billy Graham; children tend to follow in their parents footsteps.

Do you really think that your personal predilections (specifically, your take on sex) is going to be that different from your parents’?

The great fear in everyone’s mind is that you will choose my black sheep path instead of their easier path. The letters are designed to give you the best of both worlds without going down the bumpy road I took.

In The World you grew up in – I hope you stay true to your normal roots.

If you don’t want to know more – you can wear blinders. It does not hurt to wear blinders. It hurts when you realize you missed out.

Your parents and I could not be on more opposing sides of the see-saw when it comes to sexual behavior. If you want to know nothing more than, “Don’t have sex until you are married and you two virgins will figure it out and live happily ever after.” Then I am fine with that and I think they are, too.

I don’t really care if you have sex every day for the rest of your life or if you only do it one time to make a baby or never have sex. Quantity is not my concern. Quality is a Huuuuge big-O deal! (Incidentally, your parents and I agree on this point.)

I know lots of people who have quantity notches in their bedposts. They do not have quality notches. Doing something often, poorly is sort of a waste of time in my book.

I don’t think anybody walks around proud of a bad haircut – why walk around touting your ability to have lots of mediocre sex? …but movies and tv do it… over and over again. Subliminally glorifying less than 3 minute magic where he was actually wondering if it was “in” and she didn’t break a sweat or a smile.

You most certainly do not have to do any of the things I will talk about – that I have done. But I would be remiss if I did not tell you what I learned about operating the female body.

Great female orgasms can leave a puddle of fluid on the floor. This puddle comes from the vaginal walls. Your orgasm won’t be that good in the beginning… trust me on this… your first one hundred orgasms are like those days learning to ride the big wheel. Best thing you’ve ever done so far but the more you know the better it gets.

I know what my life was like before I knew this and I know what my life has been like since gaining this knowledge.

God, I WISH somebody would have told me about gushing fluid orgasms! I had no idea these are what I should have been expecting. I would have done so many things differently.

To this day, every man or woman I have had sex with, I have had to teach how to operate my box.

Nobody, nobody, nobody knew how to make me squirt without me first communicating how and where to poke, prod, push, pull, etc. First!

People taught me their tricks. But if I had known at 12 years old that the great sexual experience starts with me knowing how to operate me and not someone else teaching me about me… the quality of the sexually charged experiences I did have, would have been GREATLY elevated.

I should have paid more attention to that AC/DC song with the lyrics “the walls start shakin’… the earth was quakin’… you shook me all night long”… because while I thought they were singing about his orgasm… in reality, they were covertly telling the world a female orgasm ROCKS!!!! …the BIG clue… men don’t have “walls”… women do.

If you are sent away to a convent in order to avoid these letters (which you probably will be if you dare to whisper the word “masturbation” in front of iPhone Grandma) and never have sex with another human being – I did my best to send properly detailed instructions for you to operate your body in a manner consistent with spiritual gnosis that makes your life here on Earth a better place to be.

I will talk a lot about partner sex because being truly in love with someone in a monogamous relationship is heaven on earth… but you should know… I am the best I ever had. To be good/great/mind-blowing with someone else… you have to be your own best friend first.
Love you,
C. Change


Thank you for sharing. I would like to send you a gift, too.