Adding Color

Letter # 13 part 5 Adding Color

Now you have the ability to hear the music and interpret those sounds as physical movements. Consequently, if you can squeeze and release to Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy, You should also have the ability to squeeze your internal vaginal muscles to the rhythm of any song.

Let’s combine the two of those things together with a glass toy and a spot of organic coconut oil.

If you don’t have the Dance of the sugar plum fairy memorized by now… Here is the link again.

Sexual Choreography:
Listen to the first 30 seconds of the music then see if you can fit the following words to match what the music says to me. Once you get a “handle” on how I physically view/hear/feel the notes and how they correspond to physical movement, try actually doing the choreography.

This is a good second step as there are more levels above this intermediate one which I will discuss with you once you have this well-in-hand.

Let’s go back to the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy with some new lyrics.
Start by singing these phrases to the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy tune ala Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music… because these are a few of my favorite things.

First four bars:
From knee up to inner thigh, place cold glass tip to soft warm clit, circle softly,

Bars five to… (“twisting” starts at the melody)
Twisting smoothly first go to the right, switch to the left, towards the front and now go to the back, spiiin it out,

Bar nine to…
Gently slide in twisting to the left, then the right, now go back to front, swing full circle, use to muscles push it out,

Bar thirteen…
Twisting smoothly first go to the right, switch to the left, towards the front and now go to the back, spiiin it out,
Slide all the way in, slide all the way out, twisting go back, insiiiiide

Ok you should be at the 30 second mark at this point. There’s about 2:10 left to go… add the toy now that you have some words of instruction and see what happens.

I’ll let you have some fun with this… your own personal creativity should be stimulated by now.

LoVe you,

C. Change

Valentine’s VD a Gift That Keeps On Giving

Valentine’s and VD
HIV vaccine… I understand they have one now… go get it or learn how to squirt so you will have the ability to be self cleaning. I have two anecdotal stories for you to illustrate my point.

Story #1
I remember when aids first hit the news. A few days later, I was at my favorite bar, in my suspended cage above the dance floor, dancing in 6” black stiletto heels with a male stripper behind me, when I noticed a crowd gather around the bar below me. Then and there, I got my first glimpse of how people would react to the latest deadly STD.

Enter the cute, pink “I don’t have aids” button.

Right there underneath me… there was a man with a big box. People gathered around… buttons being passed out at the bar.

Nope, no test… you just got a big pink glow in the dark button which you proudly displayed on your chest proclaiming your I don’t have aids (so it’s ok to have unprotected sex with me) promotion and continued to speed date, get drunk, do lines of coke in the bathroom and ultimately go home with the guy who drove up in a lambo.

It’s no real surprise to me now how the aids epidemic exploded. I was right there in the thick of it. Because of my ardent stupidity, I spent the next twenty plus years being tested every 6 months for a disease I never contracted… but many people doing exactly what I was doing, did.

We were all playing a sexual game of Russian roulette. Chance probably has something to do with the outcome. But statistically, the deck was not stacked in my favor. I hit the joker’s, too not just the usual 52.

Maybe there was something about me… the internal and external self-cleaning mechanism I utilized… that made the difference?

Almost 20 years later, when I was still on the plane, landing in Thailand, the stewardesses passed out condoms and statistics fliers along with our passport entry forms and explained that Bangkok, our landing destination, had the highest incidence of aids worldwide. I can’t remember but it was some ridiculous percentage … like half or greater than half of the teen to 30 year olds had aids. Not HIV but full blown AIDS.

We were going to go to bars and I was told not to let anybody sweat on me. Try that in a jam packed club at New year’s. Ha!

After being highly entertained on the mainland, I met friends on the little outter islands. One of them is a popular destination called Koh Samui.

Prostitution is a way of life on Koh Samui’s four, roughly mile long, dirt Ugly Roads. Mixed in with Muay Thai boxing venues, parents sell their small children… out in the open. It’s normal behavior there.

The bar store-fronts have stages and a row of girls dressed in the exact same outfit arranged from toddler to pre-teen standing side by side awaiting their next trick. It was like the old version of 42nd Street in New York City with school age children as the wares. I took pictures.

It’s mostly tourists that walk down the streets to buy underage girls and boys from their parents. Boys are called kai-tai and made up to look like girls. The visitor buys a drink, points at a child, the mama-san goes and takes the child by the hand and leads it AND the customer around to the back of the building. A little while later the mama-san returns with the kid in tow and the child is placed back in the on-stage line-up.

We watched a German male in his late 50s check out child store front after store front and finally settle on one he liked. He could legally buy a kid for sex who could not have been 4 years old yet and the mama-san didn’t even flinch and neither did the kid as she was led behind the building. I guess almost 4 years old is old enough to be alone with a 50 year old man because the mama-san came back to the front to sell an even younger kid and an older kid to someone else while the about 4 year old was still being used.

Once those kids get to be about 12 or 13 they are too old for the sex trade and join normal society on the mainland to date, continue prostitution (since it’s really all they know how to do to put food in their belly) and if they can snag the right bait, hitch a ride with or marry a tourist who will take them out of their known world.

At a time when teenagers in America are just beginning to learn about sexual experience, these kids are retired from multiple adult partners on a daily basis since they were not quite old enough to walk.

And, yes… they are seriously diseased. It’s in their sweat, spit, tears, piss, clothes they wear or try on and don’t buy in a store… on the plastic bottle they drank from, the money that changed hands, the gas pump handle, the taxi cab seat, the door at the restaurant, it’s everywhere.

Tourists gave diseases to children who gave it to more tourists who took it home and gave it to their significant other who gave it to their thing-on-the-side who gave it to their actual boy/girlfriend who drank out of someone else’s cup… are you getting the message yet???

It is also a very different culture. A culture, not unlike it’s food, that has travelled all over the world.

Why am I telling you this story?
I’m reinforcing the protect yourself motif.

According to the movie Sold… there are roughly 5.5 million child prostitutes at the current time. It’s a good movie to watch. I think their estimate of the number of child prostitutes is low, very very low.

Back to my story…
There was a day when I got a call from an attorney or family member of some random guy I had sex with and he had slept with a prostitute who gave him aids.

Apparently, they had tracked down the sex worker and she had died and so had the guy, along with a string of other people this guy had infected. The person contacting me was stunned to hear that I was healthy.

I had two things going for me that none of the others did. One: I bathed after sex. Two: I had an internal fluid flushing system called an orgasm that probably kept me from more problems that I will ever know. I always enjoyed one final orgasm when getting clean after sex just to make sure I smelled like me again.

I watched and participated as patient Zero in the 80s became about 30% of the globe. And for what? Amusement? Pride? Hate? Ignorance? Arrogance? I sure wasn’t thinking about the future.

Somehow, I survived the worst of the ugliest and I am grateful for that. But you, you are just stepping up into the mess we made. I know it’s not fair and I apologise.

Everybody older than you is responsible. Whether it was inaction, turning a blind eye, actively participating, forced submission or fighting a losing battle; we all allowed the creation of your world.

There are, I still believe, equal amounts of good to balance the bad. Just be very aware that there is a segment of the global population that was born into sex slavery, thinks life is a throw away commodity and cares even less about your life than they do about their own.

Protect yourself…. This Valentine’s day and EVERY day.

Love you,
C. Change

Not Ready for a Kid… Here’s What Our Ancestors Did

Not ready for a kid? Here’s what our ancestors did…
EPT test says everything’s a go
But you are sweating, Oh No! Whoa!
Who hasn’t heard this scenario…

Help, I think I got my girlfriend pregnant.
Ok 14-24m/f, don’t explode or melt down just yet. You have all the tools you need to solve the problem without hitting the panic button.

Our ancestors used an “easy button” method that I will explain herein. It takes about ten completely painless seconds if you know your body (or your partner’s body) the way you should.

Whether you are male or female, I’d like you to refer to the posted letter Dr.B and My Ovary.

Gee, unless you plan to repeat the pregnancy scare episode again in this lifetime, consider the option to blow a load in something you can wash down the drain or take with you in the future. I think that concept just made the “more important” list? (There’s a letter about this, too!)

She didn’t want to take a morning after pill?
Not interested in the stigma or expense of an abortion?

Is this some type of weaponized sex? (Another letter to read) An attempt to lock you down for life?
I know… we need to deal with the issue at hand… or in the vagina so to speak.

Besides the obvious panic syndrome, doctor visit, morality lectures, Bible thumping and un-planned parenthood options, did you know that your index finger can remove the newly forming growth on a uterine wall?

It can.

Years after I had been taught to internally check myself; I ran, angrily crashing, into Dr.B’s office for an unexpected visit. My then Hamptons boyfriend has roofed me and knocked me up when I was passed out after I told him I didn’t want to get married. Have a baby by me baby and you’ll be a millionaire may be great song lyrics but this wasn’t how I wanted to bring a child into the world.

After calming me down, Dr.B explained that I already had the skills to “remove my problems.”

In addition to Dr.B teaching me how to reach my own ovary from the inside, he also gave me a quick lesson in how to lightly swipe off something I didn’t want to carry around on the inside. This won’t work with warts but it will solve an unwanted pregnancy situation.

Lightly is the key. No digging required. It takes a gentle well-placed brush of a finger to remove a pin- head sized fetus. In fact, it takes more pressure to slide on a contact lens than to remove an early stage mouth to feed.

This method only works in the first month or so. After that time period has elapsed, the embryo has gotten a pretty good attachment to the wall.

If you’ve waited past the first trimester to decide you are not ready to bring new life into the world, I’d suggest making other arrangements than attempting a d&c with a coat hangar. (If this is a foreign concept, Google this as it was the malicious behavior that ushered in our current abortion allowance laws.)

The whole point of doing the finger trick in ten seconds or less is about not getting aroused.

You want the shortest path between the outside environment and the object for removal. Male and female sex organs originated from the same basic material. It is logical to understand that human body parts have some flexibility and stretching ability.

When women are not aroused, the vaginal canal contracts to around 3” in length (just like a male penis). When the canal is short, a finger that knows where it is going can reach past a cervix in no-time flat.

If the finger knows what feels normal and what doesn’t… the job of removing a nodule roughly the size of a grain of sand just got super easy.

But what if you don’t know what I just said you should know… no time like the present to learn.

Is ignorance really blissful at this moment?

Sadly, horny is not helpful in this situation other than to learn your girl’s moves and grooves. Once you know the “lay of the land” wait until nobody is aroused to attempt the ten second finger removal trick.

You do know how to finger you or your girlfriend to get her off… right?
If not, it only takes one or two fingers to do this well.

After stimulating the clitoris, when she gets noticeably wet, you may begin to insert a finger. To do this deftly, take a page from nature… watch an inchworm inspect it’s surroundings. Pretend your finger is an inchworm.

It goes in a little bit and wiggles around to check out its surroundings… your finger mimics the inchworm behavior by rolling your finger in a clockwise and/or counterclockwise motion to get a feel for the cave you are entering.

Go a little deeper… only to acceptance. You will know if what is being penetrated likes it, as her back will arch a little more, legs will spread a little wider, the wet will get a little wetter, breathing and heart rate change, and so on.

If you are asked to put two fingers inside… same entry procedure with optional scissors, finger can-can dancing, creative finger exercises alternating fingers and add a twist every so often for some surprise fun.

You only have to get to knuckle deep to get to an ovary… and that is too far for what you are looking for.

There is a definite difference in feel between the vaginal walls, the cervix and the uterine walls. Each area has its own distinct brand of wallpaper.

Granted, most guys have no idea what they are doing. They try to shove as many fingers as possible into the orifice in an attempt to make her feel “filled” which isn’t the way to solve this problem.

No finger snapping inside the vaginal canal nor punishing rapid penetration is going to be your friend in this situation.

Pretend her box is your cell phone and tap fifty one-finger Twitter posts on the proposed path to success. You gotta get her love canal to river up and relax or you will not pass the cervix gate.

You are gently feeling for that one teensy spot past the cervix that does not feel like the others. You are feeling for a tiny bump on the uterine wall… about the size of a small pimple.

Quick, fast moves will cause her to upwardly contract the space around the object you are trying to reach and make that future heartbeat just about impossible to find.

No fingernails either.

Scratching her on the inside is not going to achieve what you want. It will provide the opposite reaction from your desired results.

Soft and slow will produce the relaxed nature both of you need to finish playing your exploration game that brings the buried treasure to light.

If she is pregnant and you got the spot, a tiny bit of blood (one drop) will be on your fingertip when you have finished the excavation. Within an hour or so, she should start her menstrual cycle.

If the finger trick doesn’t work… you aren’t doing it right or she isn’t pregnant.

If she is sure she is pregnant and the ept test confirms her position but your finger tactics didn’t work… you can try sex toys. However, I caution against this method.

Why? If you are inept at using your fingers… you will most likely just do damage with a toy that you have even less control over than your fingers.

Your next alternative is to use the same tool that knocked her up to remove the fetus, provided your length is 5.5” or longer.

Why? Masters and Johnson determined the vaginal canal extends to just under 5” during arousal.

You need to penetrate the uterus, past the vaginal canal, where the fetus is forming. When using a finger, the initial arousal is minimal. When using your member… hopefully you are both more aroused than by initial finger stimulation alone.

This recoupling of the dripping parts will probably require her to be on top and curved forward such that she can bite your erect nipples. You will both have to time your strokes for maximum penetration to pass the cervix to locate the item you want to dislodge.

May I boldly suggest not ejaculating inside again as there have been rare instances where a second egg was released and fertilized in this manner. Your sperm can live for up to three days in there and at the right time of the hormone cycle, a fallopian tube can release an egg in less than three days. An egg can also fertilize and get stuck in a fallopian tube.

Hopefully the creative juices for manually stimulating your partner get more use than for just the purpose of removal. I speak more to finger techniques in the foreplay letters.

So smile, stop panicking, let the politicians keep arguing Roe v Wade, while your fingers do some typing and swiping to make everyone involved sweat for fun for a little while.

I’m sure there is a good reason why this information is no longer common knowledge… while I don’t know the specific reasoning for hiding this information… I’m betting it has something to do with misery and money.

If one calculates all the people they know who were trapped into relationships (misery);
That if the trapped had freely known and used the common knowledge of our ancestors I listed here for you (money);
And that knowledge enabled those trapped individuals to choose different partners to mate with… how different would the world be today? (Freedom and happiness).

Try this poll… ask your parents and grandparents or random people over 40 the following question…

You were going to have children but knowing what you know now, do you wish you would have chosen a different partner to have those children with?

The answers you get might be surprising.

As always… if you learned something new of value, please share the Letters2Jamison with at least two friends. Knowledge is power.
Your support is greatly appreciated.


Thank you for giving me this valuable insight. I will share this and here is something for you, too!


Letter #3 Part 9

Caveat for toys… START SMALL!!!!!

Use glass not plastic! (Glass or other natural materials… stone, wood, metal… create better orgasms than Synthetics.)

Only use battery operated toys with a partner.

When you are solo… you need to teach your body how to operate itself… a bunch of vibration is not going to help.

Liberator (a sex toy company from which I do not receive financial compensation) makes great glass toys. They also sell wedges. (I will keep that in sex toys.) While their glass toys are second to none, I returned all the other items I ever ordered from them because the plasticizers in the synthetic fabrics gave me rashes.

I am a big fan of solid objects. Solid objects don’t bend so be careful and slow.

A female vagina is curved. A glass dildo is not.

Puncturing yourself is not an optimal strategy for enjoyment.

Solid objects will force you to gain muscle strength… this is a good thing.

After you have mastered holding your pee, in ten second intervals at will, use that same exercise with your finger inserted.

Use the finger to push against different directions inside you. Continue doing the kegel exercises while your index finger points north, then south, to the east and finally west.

If your internal muscles are strong enough when clenched to move your finger to center and hold it in place, completely compressed by the vaginal walls… then… you can move up to toys.

Until you develop the muscle strength to pull your own index finger in and push it out… Without the use of your hands… Go at a speed no faster than your heartbeat and a thrust strength no greater than two fingers’ strength.

The goal here is to teach your internal muscles to work for you.

If the hole only opens to accept something else that does the work… then just forget about achieving the almighty orgasm.

I will write you a separate series of letters explaining what exercises to do and how to pick a training toy for each of the g spots and types of orgasms you might want to learn how to create to teach your muscles how to achieve greatness.

Stick with a finger for now… you have lots of crawling to do before walking, running or doing flip-flops or cartwheels.

Love you,
C. Change

For my webby friends, likes and followers… Thank you! If you found this of value, please share with two friends and click the gift link below to support healthy education. It is very appreciated.
Continued in

Letter #4


Thank you!!!!


Meeting Playboy’s Hef

About Meeting Hef…
I know the information I’m presenting to you is a bit off most people’s radars. That’s ok with me.
As I was searching to find an outlet to syndicate these letters as a column so that your potential future partner might have some of the knowledge you have, I came across an interview with one of the many Playboy editors.

Citing the two most popular questions as: 1) have you been to the mansion and 2) did you meet Hef?
I can say when I answer both of those questions the answer is yes.

It’s a bit awkward for me to tell you this next part, seeing as how I rarely turn down an opportunity to have memorable sex, but when I was invited to the mansion, Hef walked over and introduced himself.

I am sure if there was a memorable part of this exchange for him, it was that I told him if we had sex it would probably kill him. I won’t disagree that the best way to die is probably having the best orgasm of your life.

However, at least in my mind, if I killed my dad’s top-pedestal idol from heart attack via orgasm, I would probably not still be alive to write you these letters.

Hef’s greatest heart desire was to have sex with the best lay on the planet. He knew who I was and what I am capable of. After our verbal exchange, I think he wished he was 30 years younger. At the time, I wished his immediate wish was one I could grant. He knew sex as mental, physical, emotional and spiritual… he had that beacon of light over top of him that only the illuminated ones can see.

Even though there were probably 200 other women in the area, all more than willing to do anything to gain his favor… after our exchange, he just walked off, alone.

My experiences creating the goodies in these letters may take you to places that none of your friends will ever go. These keys will allow access to the highest echelons. How you handle that journey is up to you. I just want you to have the information at your disposal.

When you arrive at a destination equivalent to the Playboy Mansion, be yourself. After you’ve looked at the art, go back towards the entrance, pass the tennis courts, wind your way through the Rose garden, stop and sniff the roses, marvel at the statues, go play pinball… the guest house is full of machines. Take the road less travelled.

If you want to meet a rock star… don’t be starry eyed. Be a Person who you would want to spend time with. Billionaires, movie stars, rock stars, actors, CEOs of Fortune 100 companies all put their pants on one leg at a time. If you want to be treated like an equal in these situations, you can’t act like a minion.

This same advice also works for that person you like and have your first crush on.

In a healthy relationship, you will attract what you are. You will both bring balance to the table. Neither would be more dominant than the other. Ideally, you will both have strengths to compliment each other’s weaknesses. Your talents different but complimentary.

You will both have dreams and goals that hopefully mesh. If those don’t… the relationship will last as long as it lasts and then it will be time to move on.

There are deal killers. You will have them and so will your partners. Decide if the deal killers are worth it to keep or if your deal killer can be put on hold or thrown out.

When you were too young to remember me, I gave you a series of blessings. One of them was, “Anticipate the needs of others and deliver them before the need is expressed. You will do this and only pick people who do this for you.”

It is easy to do this at the beginning of most relationships. It remains easy to do if you always check yourself at the door before walking in and imagine the person you are in the relationship with, is just another version of you. Think of it as always being in a relationship with yourself.

Regardless of what their name is or their outward appearance… That person is you.

When you have sex with someone… imagine you are having an out of body experience and your partner is you. It’s amazing what a difference that change in perception makes. Treat you well.

I recognize that this will make your pool of available candidates much smaller than the gross of available candidates but by the time you were born, I knew if your “initial filter” requirement ensured your partners would pay attention to you and address your needs… your starting block would be a few miles ahead of everyone else’s.

Might I suggest when you are dreaming up your future prince charming… start with beautiful on the inside then beautiful on the outside as the two primary, over-arching features.

Love you,
C. Change

Thanks for these life improving thoughts. I will share this with my friends. Here’s a gift for you, too.

thank you for the knowledge gift



Letter #3 Part 6

Experts say that not all women have a g-spot.

Prima facie, this is true.

Because there is so much confusion surrounding this issue, I’m going to do my best to relate this information in a very non-technical way so everybody gets it.

For the mechanics in the room… a woman’s vagina is much like starting a diesel engine.

The glow plugs of a diesel motor have to get warmed up before the motor will crank.

The heater or electric current that heats the glow plugs is foreplay. You know your foreplay worked when you are both dripping wet.

The glow plugs are like the g-spot.

Once the glow plugs are operational, the heated diesel fuel can spark, the motor can crank and then you can step on the gas and get to the destination. Got it? Good!

So, how does one create a g-spot?

A g-spot is an area that has been rubbed so often on a regular basis that it is more sensitive than the areas around it.

Not unlike a blister, but far less painful, and actually quite fun, the sensitive area fills with fluid.

Essentially, you create your own internal pleasure centers.

You may also create as many as you want.

You can put them where you want.

(Just like a guy can create a bend to the left… you may create an internal g-spot anywhere you want it.)

For example…
If your partner has a 2″ penis… And assuming you have sex regularly (3 times a week), chances are that your g-spot will be right inside the inner labia.

If the partner has a 6″ penis and you only do it doggie style, your g-spot will be on either the anterior or posterior side of the vaginal wall about 3″ inside you. Anterior or posterior will be determined by how much you arch your back.

If your partner is 10″, expect your happy place to reside right below the uterine opening.

If your partner rubs your clit with every stroke… Then this will become the most active region.

Over time, you can use your hand, toys, blue jeans or acceptable humans to create new pleasure centers and make them accessible at will.

Different partners of different bend angles and sizes will create different happy spot locations.

The one big thing I learned was that it takes rubbing… not vibrating to make a g-spot.

Once you’ve made the spot, you can vibrate it… but I was never able to create one by vibration… and trust me… I tried.

Most females stop at zero or one, maybe two happy spots.

If you decide…later in life… to go the route of multiple partners at the same time in separate holes or multiple partners at the same time in the same hole… Having multiple g-spots will prove incredibly advantageous for multiple orgasms.

The graffenburg spot is small at first but as the area is rubbed, swelling occurs.

Even with everyday use, I find it may take up to an hour for my g-spot area to go from flat dime to peanut size to the size of a hard boiled egg.

For me, it takes about an hour to get my happy spots out of bed and ready to work for my enjoyment.

Once mine get big, it takes a long time for the swelling to go down.

As long as these spots are swollen… it is super easy to orgasm. Ridiculously easy to orgasm.

Multiple orgasms can mean about a hundred or more… not 3. (Nobody does 1,000 push ups on day one and nobody has 100 orgasms on their first successful attempt at having multiple orgasms.)

Once swollen, any happy spot is super easy to see on camera.

When I’m not turned on… A camera inside me reveals absolutely NOTHING! I look flat like everyone else.

And this is why the medical professionals cannot seem to agree on where the happy spot is or why some people have them when others don’t or even how many spots one can have or what they should be called: g-spot, m-spot, s-spot… but You know what’s what.

Teenagers reading this… Learn these exercises but Don’t try to tell this to an adult or OBGYN as they have been preconditioned by society to believe: teens don’t have sex before marriage, virgins will magically figure this out, none of this is possible or that the studies conducted by Masters and Johnson in the 1960s are the definitive work to explain orgasms for all humanity. (If any of that arcane bullshit was true… I would not be putting this on the internet… because we would still be writing on loose-leaf paper with lead pencils.)

If most females need a good hour of palpitation in order for the happy spot to want to join the fun, but sex with their partner lasts less than ten minutes… I don’t think many women have ever known what is possible.

For my webby friends, likes and followers… Thank you! If you found this of value, please share with two friends. If this is “good stuff” and you want more, please click the gift link below to support healthy education. It is very appreciated.
Continued in

Letter #3 Part 7


I had no idea... Thank you. Valentine's day is just around the corner and My sex life just got better thanks to this.


Letter # 101 Am I in a healthy relationship?

Do you know how to tell when you are not with the right person?
I will cut to the chase and answer this one for you.

A relationship is OVER the first time you look at someone else and wonder what it would be like to be with that other person instead of the one you are with.

Something about your current relationship is not meeting all of your needs.

Modern society has all sorts of excuses for why you stay where you are and deal with the problem and in so doing you end up violating another major boundary… being honest with yourself.

The popular excuse is “I love this person so I’m going to work it out.”

This may stem from the concept that a divorce was almost impossible to obtain prior to the mid 1960s… It wasn’t socially acceptable until around 1980…

Riiiiight. Sure you love your partner. You love them like I love chocolate.

There are 8 different words to describe 8 different types of love in the Bible.

Unless you had that “hit-in-the-head-with-a-baseball-bat” type of love I discussed earlier… (2) things: (1) then the titillating feeling of finding a different partner is your inner knowing that the person you are with …isn’t the best match and (2) when you are really in love, the way it is meant to be, you don’t notice anyone but your partner.

People get into wrong relationships all the time and spend the rest of their life trying to make it work.

Who are they trying to please? It’s obviously not the unhappy person in the mirror.

Even a monkey in a laboratory quits trying to put a square peg in a round hole after a certain number of tries. It’s the job of the scientists behind the mirror evaluating the monkey to keep track of the number of tries attempted before the monkey realizes effort after foolishness does not pay off.

I do think some monkeys are smarter than people in certain situations.
Take a gander at the bonobo monkey tribe. A matriarch dominant society that settles their differences using sex. It works, too.

What I want you to realize is that you are responsible for everything that happens in your life.


Technically the word means the ability to respond in a given situation.

I’ve noticed most people think they are responsible.

Even those adult individuals who have sex with toddlers, people who knowingly transmit deadly diseases, the banker who forecloses a house and kicks a family out on the street on Christmas Eve because they are late on the payment, the reporter who refused to do due diligence and parrots a lie, just a few examples of a terribly long list that includes you and me because even we Think we are responsible. Welcome to life… we all fall short of being responsible at some point.

I’m going to circle back to boundaries and communication.
Without appropriate boundaries and communication skills to enforce those boundaries, we end up in less than stellar situations.

Often, we don’t even realize when our own behavior crosses one of our own espoused boundaries.

A perfect example.

The example of that guy ran a red light and hit me… you didn’t have to be in that place at that time.

You could have been somewhere else. I promise you that the small voice inside told you ahead of time to be aware of your surroundings.

Why weren’t you listening? Was the radio more important?

Did your thoughts taking you out of here and now get in the way of being present? Was there some drama from another experience playing in your head that kept you from listening to yourself?

It really doesn’t matter what the subject matter noun is… this is one of the critical life lessons every person needs to accept, understand and thus… be responsible.

There is no such thing as a no fault accident in life.

If you are not present, you are 100% at fault. If you are present you bear half the responsibility for not getting out of the way.

You bear 100% of the responsibility for not taking action to create the solution appropriate for your needs.

This requires communication skills. With yourself! … and with everyone else involved!

Adopt this now and your entire life will be better for it.

Fail to recognize this as a basic premise for life and you will just keep giving away your power. You will keep living in co-dependent relationship disasters and wondering where and when it “all went wrong” while you erroneously look for something or someone else to blame.

Go look in the mirror. Fix that!

You can only attract that which you are.

Healthy people have healthy relationships.
Unhealthy people have unhealthy relationships.

Guess what… healthy people don’t get into relationships with unhealthy people. They stick with their own kind.

To have a healthy relationship, YOU must get healthy first!

If you can’t stand someone else’s bad behavior look and see what commensurate same rotten behavior you have.

Ok, your partner is a drunk and you are not. You are a nagging bitch. Quit pointing fingers. The problem is the same.

The outward problem appears different but the underlying cause is the exact same. You are both morbidly unhappy. The final outcome is the same.

Neither party wants to be around the other one when their inability to cope with the underlying issue results in ugly behavior.

You both have a behavior that needs less positive reinforcement and a life that needs a new skill set.

Circle back to boundaries and communication.

Life is about boundaries and communication.

Master these two items and life will be much more enjoyable.